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Rangers vs. SF
The Chief of Staff of the Army asked his Sergeant Major, who was both Ranger and Special Forces qualified, which organization he would recommend to form a new anti-terrorist unit. The Sergeant Major responded to the General's question with this parable: If there were a hijacked Boeing 747 being held by terrorists along with its passengers and crew and an anti-terrorist unit formed either by the Rangers or the Special Forces was given a Rescue/Recovery Mission; what would you expect to happen?

The Italian Who Went to Ostend
(Must be read with Italian accent)
One day ima gonna Ostend to bigga hotel.
Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast.
I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast.
She brings me only one piss.
I tella her I want two piss.
She says go to the toilet.
I say you not understand, I wanna piss onna my plate.
She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch.
I don't even know the lady and she call ma sonna ma bitch.

Snake Model
The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations or A Diversified Approach to Military Operations:

Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicures.

Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

Устав жены офицера

В семье должна поддерживаться высокая воинская дисциплина. Муж обязан поддерживать ее строго соблюдая настоящий устав и содержать жену в полной боевой готовности.

Глава 1

  1. Женой офицера может быть особа женского пола, обладающая следующими признаками:
    • красивая
    • стройная
    • аккуратная
    • скромная
    • преданная мужу
    • не отстающая от мужа в умственном развитии
  2. Быть женой офицера – подвиг, который дано совершить далеко не всякой женщине.
  3. Жена офицера никогда не должна забывать, что она на голову выше других женщин.
  4. Поведение жены офицера должно соответствовать воинскому званию мужа.
  5. Семейный очаг для жены офицера является святыней и осквернить его – самое тяжкое преступление.

Odd English
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple...

English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Полный подчиненно/начальнический разговорник
Disclaimer: В разговорнике присутствует матерная лексика.

Нубля - выражение согласия (употребляется редко)

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