The Italian Who Went to Ostend

(Must be read with Italian accent)
One day ima gonna Ostend to bigga hotel.
Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast.
I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast.
She brings me only one piss.
I tella her I want two piss.
She says go to the toilet.
I say you not understand, I wanna piss onna my plate.
She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch.
I don't even know the lady and she call ma sonna ma bitch.


Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.
The waitress bring me a spoon and the knife but no fock.
I tella her I wanna fock.
She tell me everyone wanna fock.
I tella her you no understand.
I wanna fock on the table.
She say you better no fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.


So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed.
I call the manager and tell him I wanna shit.
He tell me to go to toilet.
I say I wanna shit on my bed.
He say you better no shit on the bed, you sonna ma bitch.


I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "peace on you".
I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch,
I gonna back to Italy.